Stealth Yankee Operations

I know who stole Roger Clemens' infamous Hummer.

It wasn't some Houston kid looking for a joy ride. No, it was George Steinbrenner. Or at least, one of George's henchmen.

Think about. The Yankees give Roger Clemens this Hummer as a retirement present. They wanted to thank him for those years of service to the team that included a few World Championship appearances. They wanted to thank one of the most prolific strike out pitchers of all time. And what better way to feed the Rocket's already overblown ego than with a Hummer, the most ridiculous of vehicles on the road today.

But then, something happened. Roger Clemens unretired! He went to pitch in the National League. He went to pitch for the Houston Astros as a show of loyalty to his home town team. Now, Steinbrenner knows loyalty, but his loyalty involves the Bronx Bombers, not the Houston Astros. He was incensed, furious when Clemens unretired. Furious! That was after all, $50,000 that belong to the cash-strapped Yankees.

So to get his revenge, Steinbrenner orchestrated a covert operation to reclaim the Hummer. All was going along fine and dandy until someone told him that an Orange Hummer would be a bit of challenge to conceal on the streets of Tampa Bay. One with a Texas license plate would be a bit conspicuous to say the least.

Instead of Operation Relcaim the Rocket's Hummer, the Yankees simply left the vehicle in a parking lot in Houston and had to be content with knowing that Roger suffered while his precious car was gone.

Case closed.